As you know in fashion, one day you’re in, and the next day
you’re out. And while I don’t pretend to be an expert on fashion (I am), here
are three trends that in my opinion, should get out and stay out.
1.
Harem Pants
There was a time in my life, a happier time
when I thought that harem pants would someday cease to exist. Sure they had
been fashionable in the 80s, the period that we will fondly remember for rock
music, VHS tapes and the Cold War, but just like the awful, awful leg warmer
trend, harem pants were simply not meant to survive longer than a generation.
So when people realize how truly hideous they looked, those bizarre,
ill-fitting, alien outfits were put into the back of every closet, never to be
spoken of again. Until Gangnam Style.
 |
| You shattered my hopes and dreams. |
As much as I love the many eccentricities
of his music videos, not least of all his signature galloping dance move, the
second I saw his style of choice, clinging desperately to the last shred of
relevance, I knew that my long years of harem-pantsless peace was coming to a
bitter end. And while I do not believe that he was solely responsible for
making harem pants cool again, his music video did force me to face the
uncomfortable reality that some terrible trends just refuse to die.
2.
Bodysuits
I feel like I might garner much more
criticism for saying this. After all, at least we can mostly agree that harem
pants are not for everyone, but bodysuits are sort of beautiful in a
minimalistic chic way. But here is my issue with bodysuits: No matter how much
we want to pretend that they are simply a kind of form-flattering, retro street
chic top, the fact is that tops do not make you question your life choices
every time you need to use the bathroom!
When rompers came back into fashion, I went
through a soul-searching moment in which I asked myself whether I really wanted
to participate in a trend that seemed to exist only for the sole purpose of
reestablishing the myth that women don’t need to expel waste from their bodies.
Ultimately rompers proved too tempting a style to resist, as I joined the ranks
of the many purveyors of this fashion that encourages one to hold everything in
until you reach the comforts of your home. But bodysuits are one step above
rompers because while rompers are loose and easy to maneuver, a bodysuit is the
equivalent to a bathing suit that you wear to the mall. It is not made to come
off easily.
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| Pictured: Not Toilet Friendly. |
3. Tights
There, I said it. Tights are the work of the devil.
Hear me out. Firstly, I was never a fan of
tights. I couldn’t understand why anyone would willingly subject themselves to
this awful fabric that would cling onto your legs like a second skin. But I
admit that I might be prejudiced given that I come from a tropical country.
Have you ever tried wearing a body-hugging article of clothing in a 90-degree
weather with an average of 80% humidity level? I can assure you that it is not
advisable.
Secondly, I once made the mistake of
standing behind someone as she bent over to pick something up. Did you know
that the material of tights is in fact, semi opaque? I guess that is why people
usually pair them with baggy T-shirts. Well, I did not know that, and I
certainly did not expect to see EVERYTHING that I saw that day. Shudder. And even though I feel like I am the only
one who feels this way since everyone seems to own and wear tights, that does
not change my opinion that they should be burned and their ashes shot into deep
space.
In
conclusion, I just really hate tight clothing.
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